Alice in Wonderland && Monday into Tuesday

Good evening readers!

It looks to me like two people have already read The Queen of Hearts and are enjoying it!

Thank you to the person who left an anonymous rating on Amazon - I really appreciate that && I couldn't be happier that you enjoyed it! So shoutout to you :)

I enjoyed writing it :) I have always loved Alice in Wonderland as a child && it was a longtime dream of mine to write my own spinoff - it has been a pleasure!

Don't forget guys - if you leave your name when leaving a review (whether good or bad) your name will be featured in my next novel in the acknowledgements page - just a little something to say thank you for taking a chance on me && reading my novel && thank you for supporting!

And I'd like to say another shoutout to a reader from Goodreads - I have shared a snip of the comment below because I am overwhelmed! Thank you, thank you!

meanwhile - in my world

The most exciting thing happened to me a few days ago...and the only one I wanted to tell...wasn’t there for me to share it with.

Yet another painful reminder.

Straight to the chest like a bullet to the heart.

I was packing my backpack for work...the first day back since my vacation started. I had to find my car key to put in there, so it was ready for the following morning and when I unzipped the usual pouch, I keep it in - it looked emptier than usual.

I thought to myself something is missing...but what is it?

The set of my old house keys aren’t there...and neither was...your backup car key.

I’m not gonna lie it hit pretty hard.

For a second I didn’t think I would be able to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.

Then as I laid in bed the reality set in even more of me driving to work by myself and home the same way.

And sure, I know most couples don’t have the luxury (if they would even call it that) of driving to work together every day - hell maybe they wouldn’t even want to but...suddenly the worst came to mind.

What if the usual route was blocked off? What if there was terrible weather? What if I was in an accident?

No one would care - no one would be there - I would be all alone...utterly alone.

Suddenly all of these horrific things came crashing down on me that I would be going through alone.

The thought was scary...but what's also scary is to have thought you found your person after such build up about it, only to find out they changed their mind and decided they didn’t want you anymore.

All of a sudden returning to work seemed more difficult than I originally thought.

Yet another thing to face.

Yet another lump to swallow.

Another pill to take.

Another drink to drink.

I should have never

I just should have never

Where did it get me?

Back to square one to start all over again.

As I’ve told you before I always try to look at things like the glass is half full. But how can I when my perception seems altered? When my glass seems half empty.

This is a chance, a whole new beginning for me, a fresh start...others may be looking at it that way but why can’t I?

I sewed my heart up a few weeks ago but it seems the stitches holding my heart together ripped apart already. I guess I didn’t do a good enough job patching it back together the first time...I’m gonna need that sewing needle and string again Ma.

I just still can’t believe I thought I found my person. I was sure of it. The one I would grow old with - supporting each other and facing struggles with together. Sharing life with and laughter together. Enjoying all of the little things we had in common.

And just like...with the snap of a finger that world didn’t exist anymore. That life wasn’t the future anymore. The course changed direction and not because it was a detour the whole fricken road changed direction.

If we were going North now one of us is going East while the other is going West. If we were going South one of us is going West while the other is going East.

One of the biggest disappointments is when you have your time wasted.

Such a waste of time.

Such a disappointment.

Such a letdown.

I can't explain it any better than that.

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. 

Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya!