Some of this blog was supposed to be posted yesterday BUT since we lost power from 4:30 to 10 that didn't happen! These are scattered pieces from throughout the week strung together as one.

"So you're quitting your job," a man says casually to another. "You know what they say the grass isn't always greener on the other side." He ends his comment with a pleased smirk, as if he himself knows he is setting the man up for failure.

With a quizzical brow he looks up at the man an pondered his words for a minute or two before responding. "If you never go, then you never know...isn't that what they say?" With each word he sounds more confident in himself and his decision. "Not to get complacent."

A brief laugh erupts from the man whose comment seemed wise and cliché but a minute ago. "Complacent?" he questions. "What an interesting word to use in such a matter, isn't that normally reserved for-"

"I know my worth Kevin and it's not being met here." Of that he was sure and even if he had come to find out that in fact the wrong choice was made, he never would've known if he wouldn't have went. But to waste his time telling himself this was it for him, it would never or could never be better than this, seemed like a mistake.

"Oh come on Gerry! But we're like a family here, we're a team!"

"Yes we are, we. And that's why I must go...because sadly that's not enough to make me stay. I know I'm meant for greater things, better things. Even if that means a pay cut, at least I would love what I do. I need that passion. I need to feel happy again, like I'm worth something, like I'm doing some good to someone." Gerry hung his head and began to pick at the scab that had developed from last week's wound; a hbit that disgusted him but one that he never quite broke free of.

Seeing as his friend was dreadfully depressed he spoke softly to help comfort him. "I understand Gerry."

"You do?" Gerry asked with a crunchy sniff before meeting Kevin eye to eye.

"Yes," Kevin said in a whisper. "You have to do what's best for you, what you feel is right. Even though it'll suck for us and it'll sting a little, in the end you have to do what's right for your life. I was in your shoes once, more than once actually..."

Leaning forward Gerry propped up his shoulders, eager to hear about Kevin's experience and how he got through it. "And what happened? Was it a mistake?"

"Well my situation was quite different all three times..." Kevin paused. "I don't think hearing about it would provide you with any insight."

Gerry fell back into his chair once more, slumping down in it. His shoulders hunched lower than before.

In other news:

I almost hit two deer today for the price of one! It came darting out in front of me and I didn't even see her but she was in a full sprint. If I wouldn't have slammed on my breaks I definitely would've hit her and then it probably would've rolled her into the one that was trotting beside her but up a little further. PHEW! T and I narrowly escaped the collision!

I could see the glowing eyes from the tall weeds, tucking itself back inside to hide its face but I had already seen the mask. A little coon baby. It was at that time I thought randomly how crazy it would be if we lived in this day and age with the dinosaurs.

Can you imagine driving your car along a dark windy road in the wee hours of the morning and suddenly the car starts to shake with minor breaks in between. Your heart begins to race and your breath quickens and you realize - like the scene of the original Jurassic Park - it's a T-REX walking your way. But you can't see it yet. So you slam on your breaks in the middle of the road and wait...you wait for it to walk right into your view.

I picked up Lola's remains. She was finally ready to come home. Her urn had been delivered on Monday which was helpful. From every animal they cut a lock of their hair off and stick it in a baggy with the remains. I thought that was really great. Of course I balled when the lady told me that her hair was in there. Even in the bag it still look like the softest fur. She always had the softest coat. In the bag was of course many black hair but also her gray ones were in there too. When I got home the three of us moved her from the box they had placed her in, to the urn.

It was like saying goodbye all over again. </3 

****

I love you Lo <3

Do me a favor hold your pets a minute longer tonight and every night, hug them a second more, one day just like us - they'll be gone too. But they'll be waiting for us as if nothing ever happened and we were never separated.

Hey everyone,

Who else feels bad when they hit roadkill? There was a fox that was already hit and had been killed and when I rounded the bend he was just there on the road and I hit him too it was absolutely horrible. Even though he was already gone it was so upsetting.

On the way home it seemed a whole family of foxes had been hit because there were two more further up the road from the one I had seen earlier this morning that were already hit and gone. It was terrible.

I had to literally laugh out loud today while I was driving the turnpike into work when construction had left lane closed only to open for less than half a mile and to switch lanes on us - closing the right lane and opening the left. I'm like what the - at first I was like how can both freakin lanes be closed at the same time? Are we driving up on the hillside? And then that little less than half a mile opened up just enough for us to switch lanes.

Traveling down the hill someone literally dropped full breadsticks out onto the road the entire way down the hill. Probably trying to feed the raccoons that are always crossing around the area. But I still thought it was hilarious because it was so random. They were literally like Olive Garden breadsticks LOL!!

So through all the construction and the breadsticks I get into the part of town where there's more construction - not live at the moment thank goodness but live enough that the roads are ripped up and you have to slow down for the big dip while you're traveling through it. It's horrendous. 

I finally get to almost work and I see something standing in the road with something waving me down! Here it's a lady standing in the middle of the road in the dark. Waving her hands for us to be cautious of a hurt animal in the middle of the road. I love animals but she could've been hit!! And as much as I applaud her for being a hero, I was just worried about her safety! Geez!

Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya!

Happy Father's Day!

What a great day with a great dad! 

I couldn't have asked for a better one! He is truly one of a kind!

Thank you for everything you've done and everything you do and I hope you had a wonderful day!

I love you daddy <3

It's been a minute since I've done an update on the Unforeseen sequel so I figured I'd take the time to do that

- 80% completion = for the writing part
- Nearing forty thousand words
- One hundred and ninety one pages 
​- Halfway through chapter twenty
- The chapter I am writing now is called "Secrets"

*I am not sure yet if I am going to keep all the subtitles that I have...

or

If I am going to keep it exactly like Unforeseen and just revert back to only have numbered chapters...still debating honestly...

Curiouser and curiouser

I'm honestly beginning to reach the point where I'm ready to move on with the next book.

It's always when I am nearing the end that this feeling of "I'm ready for something new - to start fresh" hits me and that's what I have right now. It's like an itch to get it done.

But something that makes this different from my past two novels is that I haven't reread this one a thousand times to where I can speak it in my sleep. So at least it will be an interesting read for me as well when I go back to do the edits but sitting here now I can't even recall everything I put in there.

I hope you guys are going to be ready for this! The wait should be over soon for the both of us...hopefully :)

Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya! 

I invite you to place yourself in my shoes briefly so that you may understand my situation

Can you imagine losing your husband, your house, and your pet all within a six month time frame? How would you cope? How would you feel?

They say things happen in threes - hopefully this is the third and that's it for me for a while.

The sadness and pain that I feel is almost unbearable.

Why do we always lay tribute once one is gone? Is it because it's too painful to think about before it actually happens, we don't want to do it until it happens because then we are forced to, we didn't want to do it at all?

Lola was...

Sorry *crying*

I gotta take some deep breaths if I'm going to make it through this blog...

Lola was incredible in every sense of the word. She was like sunlight. She was always happy and jumping up in the air, clicking her feet together. She was the kindest, sweetest little thing. She always greeted you and gave you kisses. She was a happiness, truly.

She was our mini guard dog, always thumping when something was out in the yard to let us know something was there. And even when she had an attitude it was adorable. She'd turn her back on you to let you know she was upset but deep down she could never really be angry. No - her heart was too pure for that.

*taking a deep breath*

Lola passed away on Wednesday. She just wasn't herself and then she was gone - that quick. Online it says that when bunny's get sick usually you don't even know they are until it's too late. They called them "silent sufferers." I was at work when it happened. My parents found her that morning to give her her normal morning carrot and she was already gone. I'm glad I wasn't home, to find her like that, to see her like that. But I feel even worse that they had to go through it alone too. I have the best parents I have to say. I can't say that enough actually.

Her eyes were closed and she laid in her favorite spot under her blankey.

A sleeping angel.

I hope she went in her sleep. I prayed that God took her in her sleep because she was too much of a sweetheart to deserve anything less. 

When I came home my parents were coming out of the door. My mom looked at me and said, "There's somewhere we need to be," before she burst into tears and told me how sorry she was.

And there was Dad carrying a small tote, Lola's blanket was laying inside. I could see her from the side of the container in there, laying down. She looked like sleeping beauty but a bunny version.

At first I thought we were going to a vet appointment until the closer she came and I knew...you just know...I feel like I had already known and maybe didn't want to accept it.

My heart sank as I did into the backseat of the car, holding her close to my chest through the drive.

She always had the softest fur and that still stands.

The crematorium stayed open late and waited for us to get there since I had just gotten home from work, the owner had felt terrible when he heard that I hadn't had the chance to even process it yet. I will always be eternally grateful for their staff. They kindness they showed me during this difficult time was unlike anything I have encountered before. But I believe if my parents would've told me at work, I wouldn't have been able to drive home, so they made the right choice in not telling me until then. They knew how emotional I would get and what kind of a toll this would take on me.

I can't even remember what I wrote on the paperwork when I filled it out. I was just in such shock that I just didn't completely understand.

I was able to order a private cremation for her - which was what I always wanted. I wanted to be able to keep her always, and take her with me. 

They said she'll be ready within 3-5 days to come home. 

To come home what a silly phrase that is now...

My chest hurts. I imagine it will for awhile.

I ordered a urn for her that night, one that looks so much like her...with a special engraving on that I got to write.

Between the chest aches, the crying, the dry-heaving and the headache I can't believe I made it to work semi-normally the next day.

I cried throughout the day at work mostly when no one was around because I hate crying in front of other people. But a few of the guys did catch me a couple times and we talked about what had happened. And yeah...I guess that was semi-helpful to let it out. But nothing will make it better.

When I came home, her room was empty. And that was almost as hard as never saying goodbye. But I couldn't have seen it set up still, with all her little things. I couldn't have cleaned it up, I wouldn't have had the strength emotionally or physically. I just couldn't. 

I swear I can still hear her little paws on the floor every now and again. That brings me a little bit of peace, almost like she's still here running around.

I never knew how lucky I truly got with her until I heard another bunny story that theirs was constantly sick with nasal infections and ear infections. 

Lola never got sick, not like that, not once like that that I can say of. She was an incredibly healthy bunny.

We were truly blessed to have her. 

Maybe their saying is similar to that of ours but instead of an apple a day keeps the doctor away - maybe its a carrot a day keeps the doctor away.

I won't get another because there is not another like her. She was unique and she was perfect to me, perfect for me.

I'm just grateful to have had her for 9 wonderful years and to have given her a great home to be in and a great life. When I found her she was stuffed inside a wire cage with five other dwarf bunnies. Most of them were climbing all over each other or fighting. But not Lo, she was sitting in the corner, waiting patiently for me to come and take her home, to her forever home. We were both so young, I think we saved each other that day. I'll always remember.

RIP Lola <3 Mommy loves you, I can't wait to see you one day when it's my turn to go.​​

No one can ever prepare you for something like this...how can they?

No one is ever prepared for the death of a family member.

When there has been a presence present so strong for 9 years...it's as if everything is suddenly completely silent.

To say that I am broken by this, forever damaged by this is a complete understatement. The remaining pieces of my fragile heart have now been crumbled, I'm completely heartbroken.

I'm waiting to her a thump for her carrot or her paws running across the floor...waiting for a sound I'll never hear again.

Today was undoubtably one of the hardest days of my life and it doesn't look to be getting better anytime soon.

Tomorrow when I'm less sick I'll tell you what happened and all the associated thoughts that have been circling in my mind today.  

She would've been 10 next month.

RIP my little Lola, Lo, Lew, Lew-Lew <3 one day mommy will see you again - I love you so much, you were such a good girl <3

Hold your pets close, give them an extra hug and a kiss, you never know when one day you wake up and they are forever gone.

Entry 4

“Can you smell it in the air yet?” Rahead feverishly grinned off to my side. I watched silently as she licked her fingertip before holding it up to the clouds.

“Smell what?” I asked confused.

“Ah huh!” she yelled while doing a mini hop in the air. “Maple syrup!”

“Maple what?” I half repeated.

“Syrup duh! And you call me the kid? You can’t tell me you don’t have maple syrup where you’re from!” Her eyebrows were intertwined as she looked me up and down in disbelief.

“Well yes we do but how do you know what that is?” I stopped and crossed my arms while she ignored me and kept walking.

“Oh for Pete’s sake!” she practically yelled as she stormed off to the right towards a patch of sweet smelling towering trees. “PETE! What have I told you about the sacred maple trees? They are for celebration pancakes only!”

“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!” a croaked voice said with sadness. “This wasn’t me Rahead.”

Stepping out from behind her I could see that voice came from a paper thin size frog who had extremely long fingers with bulb thubs at each tip.

“Well who was is?” she asked with irritation.

“Rahead I’d love to tell you but first be a dear and pull me out of the syrup. I seem to be stuck to the bark of the tree.” I watched as he struggled to free himself from the syrups grasp only to be submerged in it even further.

“Woah…” I breathed as I moved closer to the tree.

“Oh for Pete’s sake!” Rahead repeated, even louder this time.

“What’s that dear?” the frog asked as she continued to pull at his arms.

“No not you Pete! Figure of speech for her…she’s new here!” I looked down at her from admiring the tree just soon enough to catch her eyes glaring at me for not helping free Pete. “Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a maple tree before!”

“Not one like this…” I said in amazement, getting lost in the colors of the bark and the shape of the leaves. The tree stood as straight as an arrow, it’s bark was a burnt orange color with brown cheetah spots and the liquid coming out of it was a brownish-yellow that glowed and sparkled like magic. I imagined the honey back home would be jealous if it caught sight of this tree. It’s leaves were shaped like teardrops and they dripped maple syrup. I licked my lips as I watched maple ooze from some of its barks spots. Suddenly an overwhelming sugar rush came over me as the wind blew the smell up my nostrils.

“Oh Brother!” she said roller her eyes at me while slapping her forehead.

“Hey Rahead! Did you say somethin’?” another frog appeared nervously out of nowhere. In a rushed voice he spoke so fast and blended his words together that I barely caught what he had said to her.

“No not you, it’s just another expression!” she said as she huffed with irritation once more. “Er…err…errr…” I watched her grunt and pull, grunt and yank, grunt and grunt until finally Pete came free from the tree with a bubble gum pop, sending them both flying backwards. “You gotta be kidding me!”

“No I’m not. You said you’re not a kid, right?” I said with a laugh trying my best to make joke of the situation. But instead of laughter I received daggered eyes as she was vigorously attempted to swipe off the syrup that had clung to her, with no avail.

“I…don’t like…your jokes,” she said angerly before walking away from the three of us.

“Thanks Rahead!” Pete yelled from behind us as I followed her back out into the open field. He waved happily at her but she never looked over her shoulder to see it.  

If I play dead, like an animal trying to survive in the wilderness, will it help?

The following stories are from a couple days ago:

Driving in this morning the local Denny's marlin read, "Cookie Dough Pancakes," umm...are you trying to kill me? I mean I'm all for eating cookie dough but cookie dough for breakfast - I'd probably go for it just because its my favorite type of desert flavor but man I can already picture the bellyache. Throw a shot glass size of Pepto Bysmol and you're on!

In other news - I attempted to drive in today staying positive and telling myself it's going to be a good day...that is until I got screamed at by a state trooper not that long after - that was fun - probably my fault but still didn't need to be talked to like that at such an early morning hour.

Am I a delinquent or a wild animal?

There was construction cone-type-things set up near the exit of where I normally get off for work and I was driving way under the constructions posted speed limit because it's dark outside and I'm trying to see where the turn off is and I'm trying to be safe for the workers because I know they are out here working in the dark practically.

I always hate those cone-type-things because unless the opening for you to enter between the two is dramatically spread apart I can never tell.

So I waited until I got past where I would normally get off because I didn't see an opening and then when I thought I saw one I took it - only to practically pull behind the cop's SUV.

The minute I saw his backup lights come on and he started backing up towards me I knew something was wrong - that I had gotten off too soon or done something wrong or maybe he was going to advice me to go further down the road.

But instead the end of his vehicle stops at the hood of my car and sits there so I think oh okay maybe he's is telling me to go past him and everything is ok. So I start creeping past him, I don't see his window down so I keep creeping along - growing increasingly unsure of what to do - then as I pass his window I hear him screaming to get my attention - so I stop the car - he begins to pull up at the same time I am backing up to reach his window - which I'm sure the car tag pissed him off but I was just trying to be near his window to hear what he was trying to tell me.

I put down my window and he just starts screaming, "GO!" at me and waving his arm for me to go forward. I began to apologize and the only thing that pops into my head is oh shit maybe the exit is completely closed or something so try to ask if it is since he seemed so angry what whatever I had done wrong but instead he cuts me off and continues to scream for me to go.

So I did. It's unfortunate that I have to say this or remind others of this but there is absolutely no need to speak to someone like that. If I was doing something wrong or being an asshole ok that's one thing but I wasn't. And instead of manning up about it and calling him what most others may have after pulling away from him - instead I cried about it for the next few minutes.

I don't deserve to be treated or talked to that way - no one does. I guess "treat others the way you want to be treated" doesn't apply with some and it completely goes out the window in regards to others. 

By the time I'm approaching the last interaction I can see lights spinning up ahead of me - white and red - oh no not again - and I can see that traffic is completely stopped and that the car in front of me is pulled at least four or five car lengths away from the car in front of them.

Upon closer examination I caught glimpses of what looked to be a silver corvette stingray - and the lights I had seen previously were its headlights and brake lights - doing donuts in the intersection. Before taking off not long after our light had turned green.

The smoke piles rose high to the sky from the asphalt, covering the area like thick fog.

I must say the patch they put down was beautifully done. It was almost two or maybe three donuts round - very nice - very dangerous especially so close to a gas station what if you would've lost control, just saying - but nicely done.

Driving through the smell of the burning rubber from the tires pulled at my nose hairs even though my windows were shut tight. The smell stayed in my nostrils the rest of the drive to work. I hated it. Not the smell itself but the memory that it gave to me. The memory that it cursed me with for that brief minute or two.

Maybe tomorrow will be different, God I hope so.