I watched Dick Clark's New Year's special on TV with Ryan Seacrest per the usual.

Watching the confetti fly when we reach the final minute countdown - seeing the ball start sliding down - the joint countdown from the crowd when the timer hits ten seconds - almost feeling the energy pouring from the TV as you watch New York. Listening to Frank Sinatra sing New York, New York over the loudspeakers. 

That's on my bucket list one day - to go to New York and watch it all happen in person. To physically be there and be a part of it.  

But until then && for now...

For the first time in my life, I had to put in my earplugs at midnight when everyone started setting off their fireworks. I couldn’t stand to listen to the noise. It was like nails on a chalkboard for me this year.

Hearing the happiness continue well into the early morning hours.

But hey looking at the bright side - as I always try to do - you know what they say, “when you’re at the bottom you have nowhere to go but up.”

So, I’ll cheers to that as we ring in the new year.

Three celebrations have gone and past without you and frankly I should just be thankful that I made it that far.

And so, I hold my glass high tonight as I say to you..."Gracias para vivar en la casa, en la escuelas, en...en la azul...markada. Tienes con bibir en las Fortuashla."

I'm just kidding for those who don't know that's a little excerpt from Bridesmaid's when Annie tries to end her speech to outdo Helen is speaking another language. 

Here's to you all - may your wishes come true for 2022. May you accomplish your goals. And may you fufill your New Years resolutions. 

Cheers!

Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya!

I took a break earlier today to relax with my parents - just wanting to sit down and actually watch a movie

My parents had told me they put on a movie with Jennifer Lopez called Second Act - starting it from the beginning for me to see it the whole way through

From the first few minutes I was hooked

It was so relatable to me - everything she said in the movie where comments I had made once or twice before

By the end it was empowering - it's one of those movies that makes you want to stand up and do something more with your life - follow your dream - or become a better you

The thing that gripped me the most is that I never felt like I was good enough for any office job because I only graduated high school with my diploma - I never furthered my education by going to college

I can remember when years ago it was accepted to get in with a good company if you had your associates but now the working environment is so competitive that the lowest standards are now considered to be a bachelor's degree and nothing less

I always look down on myself for that and I am hard on myself for that

So, when this movie started it was about a 40 something year old woman who was working at a supermarket as an assistant manager. Her and her godson had created this web-based platform for customers to shop online and physically see the produce before purchasing it 

After she presented the idea along with some other items for discussion the boss still decided to give the promotion to another man who was just coming into their business instead of giving it to her who had grown the sales exponentially since her arrival as assistant manager.

His reply to her when she questioned why she couldn't be given the promotion when she does desperately wanted it was because she had no college education.

Throughout the movie she talked about what she deserved because of missing out on this factor. 

It was relatable. Especially at the end when she was giving a speech and she thanked the man who took a chance on her. I remember when I said that to my boss. When he had taken a chance on me - not knowing me, my skills, and no college education. Even still he allowed me to have the opportunity for a desk job that had normal working hours instead of 12 hour+ shifts and rotating hours. 

For that I will be forever grateful.

This is such a great movie, and I would definitely recommend it! 

Thank you, Jennifer, for an amazing performance. 

Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya!

I wish I had the why
The why for every woe
Cause we're all chasing ghosts
Something we loved the most
Lost along the way

Looking for a reason why
Why the dark comes out some days
Why it takes your peace away
And it breaks you down inside

When your peace like a river
Runs dry like the desert land
I've seen the darkness fall
And rise up from the sand
From the sand

I wish I had the words
The words to make it alright
But we're all looking for
A reason for our wars
Words can't justify

When your peace like a river
Runs dry like the desert land
I've seen the darkness fall
And rise up from the sand
From the sand

I wish I had the why
​
I wish I had the why

For those of you who don't know this is Shelly Fraley

It's a powerful song

I know I've said this so many times before, but I love when a song tells a story - when its lyrics are so meaningful, so powerful, so relatable - that's when it's worth putting on repeat

Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya!

I saw this cap online - it's a purple color and has ice packs surrounding the inside of it

You wear it like a hat when you head a headache or migraine and the ice packs inside are supposed to touch all the trouble-some areas in the head - it even has a hole at the top for those of us with long hair that we can pull our hair up and pull it through

It can be worn along the temples, or you can pull it down to shade your eyes

90% of customers claimed it was comfortable - it's even made out of the material that looks flexible and comfortable

With the reviews I read I thought what the heck I am always here for testing out migraine helpers

Recently I bought one for my mother and father (not for Christmas) since I asked that we don't celebrate this year - but they just now came today

I am sure sooner rather than later one of us will be getting a bad migraine to be able to test it out

The thing I really like is the fact that when you do have an ice pack on your head that is the last thing you want to do when you are sick is to hold it the whole time or to have to lay in a certain position that it stays

It's like you have to be accommodating to the ice pack - and as we all know that is not how it should be

When we do get to try this out - I will definitely let you know my thoughts about it and whether from our end if it is a go or not

I think the last review I did was awhile back on the hand massager that I got for my dad called:

Lunix LX3 cordless electric hand massager (with air compression and heat)

It has six levels of pressure point massaging therapy

Helps with arthritis, pain relief, carpal tunnel, and finger numbness

As I had said in my review - I had been researching various hand massagers for my dad and this was worth every penny! Still highly recommended even to this day!

Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya!

I've been having them again

Bad ones - every single night

Different actions occur but always the same people are in them

Even at night I can't escape - it would seem

I remember when I was little I would have them constantly 

So much so that I bought a dream catcher in the hopes that it would help 

It did - or at least it seemed like it did

I think it's all stress related why I am having them again

Thankfully they don't appear to be happening in the middle of the night waking me

But they seem to happen right before I wake up or in the brief hours before

At this point I'm not sure what is worse

To wake from them in the middle night, fall back asleep, and forget about it by morning or to wake up to it and then have it linger over you while you are trying to start your day

However - something like bad dreams is not nearly as bad as what other people are battling

Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya!

Last night we watched what seemed to be the last 007 with Daniel Craig

But despite it being the end of his reign over the series - it did not disappoint

Action, guns, fighting, car chases - the Aston Martin *drooling*

Even before the rumors came saying that he would be retiring from it - I would've known that's what was happening since they showed what they did at the beginning of the movie

No Time to Die

Add this to your list of movies in 2021 to finish off with - you're not going to miss out in this one!

Highly recommended!

​Stay safe out there && as always - I appreciate ya!

Today will undoubtedly be one of the hardest days.

Since the band aid is already going to be half off, I made the tough decision that I might as well rip it the rest of the way and get it over with.

Not doing that would have equaled putting another one overtop of the wound only to find out that in the end everything would be processing all at once.

Get as much of the damage done and over with as I could today.

Baby steps.

Just breathe, little one.

I stood in the basement today for the last time.

Still hating the fifth element but knowing that if I would’ve bought this house I would’ve been happy here. I just would’ve done what I already did to hide it away from view.

As I leaned against the pole I pictured our first Christmas. And how much of a struggle it was for you to help me decorate the tree. How it went from something fun and loving in my parents household to being carelessly thrown up just to get it finished in ours.

How connecting the train tracks was the most exciting thing to you.

I picture it - I can see it all as I stand here.

I'm disappointed. 

How this is the last time I’ll see the gray squirrel I named Andy.

The last time I’ll see that red headed wood pecker that’s home is a tree right outside the small bedrooms window.

I wish I could take so many things with me.

If I could pack a Mary Poppins bag I would pack the shelf in my bathroom along with the cabinet in there. The closet in the bedroom. The mantel on the fake side. The cottage lanterns on the fireplace - being that was the only thing I saved from the old house. The fireplace from outside. And of course the kitchen in its entirety.

But that's not possible now is it? Only in my mind. 

I can only take images in my mind and allow them to last for as long as they will. 

I would dig up the tree that Mom and Dad just planted in the front yard. I was going to decorate it for Christmas.

Christmas - a holiday I'm not even celebrating this year.

But oh how sad it would be if next year came around and one of my parents were lost. Knowing that this was their last Christmas and you stole that from them.

And yes I say you - because even though it is my decision not to partake in it - how can I?

So many tell me not to let him take that from me but...

When you stole my happiness? When you drained the light from me? When the joy of the season turns to funeral...it really beats you down and takes it all out of you.

And unless you wore my exact shoes for a day - you have no idea. Sure we all have different variations of this that has happened to another from time to time. But unless you stood in my shoes and walked around in them. Seen what I saw. Felt how I felt. You don't have the slightest clue.

The death of a marriage. The death of two people. Two people we both were. Once.

I took that rock that you probably didn't even notice existed - I saved it when we moved it - it was part of a rock wall - it was shaped like a heart - and I always had it standing outside the wall where all our boots were for decoration.

One day I'll paint it and forget this ever happened and then with time I'll forget I ever met you as I start my new life. 

I kept conversation light tonight, smiled when I could, and laughed when it was appropriate. But how could I behave in the way I really wanted to?

Tonight was...painful...dreadful...another realization of a death that I'll have to mourn and move past.

It was hard to keep it altogether but it was for the best. I knew if I started to cry - I wouldn't stop. And that's a fact.

But I am so incredibly happy for them even though I am dying inside.

She said that this is going to be there forever home - God I remember when we said that - when we thought that. When those were our very words.

That seems like ages ago now.

Those people sitting at that exact table in those exact seats in that exact building don't even exist anymore. They died too.

She praised us for the countertops in the house - all of which I picked out and paid for.

She praised us for the kitchen which I also paid for.

All of course was picked out with thoughts of you - what would be easiest to clean, what you would like, etc. I was simply doing what a wife does...planning the future and all of our needs that would come.

And although it was a kind gesture for the man at the end to give us a box of cookies and two mugs - that was my breaking point.

In the end - out of all of this - that's how it ends.

That's what I get...a mug...

That's not what I wanted - no offense but I didn't want any of this and it's so unfair. How one person can pull the rug from underneath of you and ruin you. Someone you trusted - someone you believed in. I wouldn't have wasted my time if I would've thought for one second that you would be the one to let me down.

So yeah...not exactly how I pictured our life but...I guess you had other plans that no one else was in on but you...

And people can say whatever they want but they don't have a ******* clue - they just think they know - but it's all one sided of course. And of course all of your people would side with you just like mine would side with me. But would they if they knew? If they knew the whole truth? And nothing but the truth? So help you God.

Alas

Thank you for turning the lights on - it would've killed me inside to see the place go back to being dark and sad.

I couldn't have taken much more.

The poor man even congratulated us...for reasons he didn't know...

Although the process was simple - this whole situation is a shit show honestly.

Now the only words that ring through my head are this:

I gave you forever
You gave a month

God if that's not the story of my life right now.

And so

On the anniversary of my Grandpap's death - I signed away the last piece of us - and the first document was filed for divorce signing away the last piece of me.

But yeah...that's how my day went in a nutshell. How was your day my friend? Hopefully a little better.

Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya!

Good Morning Readers!

Do you LOVE fantasy?

Are YOU an Alice in Wonderland lover?!

Prepare to buckle your seatbelt for the newest edition to my library of fiction novels!

Introducing "The Queen of Hearts" - coming soon

Estimated arrival: end of December...and when I say end I literally mean the end ;)

This story has never been told like this before...keep an eye out for future updates!!

When you're going through any kind of a breakup - you have good days and bad days

You have times where things that shouldn't affect you do and things that should bother you don't

There may even be things that sneak up on you that you never thought would impact you like they do

An impact to take your breath away

An impact to stop in your tracks

Even an impact to bring a tear to your eye

Today I needed to do a quick run to the Dollar Store and to Walmart - I went alone so I could blast my music and be by myself

I began making my way towards the register and the aisle that was directly in front of me was where all the cards were

Christmas cards

Ones for mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, grandparents, and husbands

Husband - such a funny word

Of course, out of all the cards I laid eyes on the ones I saw had to be the husband section

Which was hilarious in itself because usually I am struggling to find a good husband card - this year it seemed they had more of those than anything else

Then I ran to Walmart to get something to make for dinner tonight - something that starts with a crunch and ends with a wrap

And although the action itself didn't seem to bother me too much - seeing all the couples shopping for Christmas and the wives buying their husbands and children things and the husbands buying their wives things - I'm not going to lie it was depressing

Then I was almost home when the unimaginable happened...the golden Toyota corolla was traveling down the hill in my direction

I knew all too well who it was - for hubcap reasons and all

That was about the last straw I could take today

Thankfully that was the end of my journey for the day - but those couple hours were definitely all I had in me for traveling out and about today

Looking at the outside we made sense - Taco Bell, classic cars, horror movies and more - but...I guess we didn't make as much sense as I once thought we did

Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya!
​

Hello readers,

I am excited to announce this new novel coming in hopefully still at the end of this month - if everything continues to stay on track - is an Alice in Wonderland spin off!

So, if you're a fan - or you know of anyone who is a fan - start spreading the word!

I am hoping you will enjoy this :)

Ever since I was little, I always had a fascination with Alice in Wonderland and dreamed of the day when I would write something like this, and I finally did. Ekkkk!! This is crazy!

If you have read the book and are fluent in it - you will be able to catch on to a lot of the things that I have written as I tie some ends up that we always wondered about and such.

Pleased to say that I finished the final edits on it, as well as the list I had made for myself of things to double check. Now all that's left is I am working my way through the checklist I had made from previous things that I learned / caught from Unforeseen.

Just wrapped up the acknowledgments page tonight and began as I said above the dreaded checklist.  And along with that I just have to add my page numbers and insert the table of contents. 

Goals for this weekend are to wrap up the checklist because it's a monster of things I have to check and double check. 

Then fingers crossed - if I get that done...cover art time?

Wish me luck!

Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya!