There are days when the drive to and from work is too short
When the distance itself is overwhelmingly long but somehow the song makes it seem better There are days when the weather seems to mimic your mood When the rain crashes down so hard that you fall into a forever sleep There are days when the clouds separate to allow the warmth of the sun on your face When the wind walks a chill through your body to remind you of the past There are days when the traditions seem out of reach from reality When the memories choose to flood your mind with an ocean There are days when you are sick physically and emotionally from the pain When you must decide which path to take from here There are days when you walk alone not knowing that someone is walking beside you When the presence of a human is that of a ghost There are days when you are left wonder about the things you’ll never understand When the decisions you weren’t apart of end up setting you free unwillingly There are days when you are surrounded by bodies only to feel you’re standing in an empty room When the lights themselves are duller ... Then there are days when you get drunk, paint your nails, and pull yourself together at 3AM WHOOPPPSSSS! Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya! In that moment I don’t know what I was expecting to find. But I fought against my better judgement.
I didn’t once think of the repercussions - the consequences of such a stupid, worthless action - if it went sideways or not the way I was hoping for. But I don’t know what I was hoping for and maybe it was because I didn’t know what to expect. And because I didn’t know what I should be expecting I didn’t know what to hope for. That probably doesn’t make any sense but in my mind it does. But what if it didn’t go the way it went? Would I have been crushed even more? Would my conscience have said, “I warned you and you didn’t listen.” Would I have beaten myself up again inside until I was black and blue just so that I learn my lesson? It wouldn’t help anyway. The end was that I did get a sliver of what I needed and whether it helps or not - whether it was right or wrong - whether I should have or shouldn’t have - right now, in this moment - I am at peace. And you know what that feels like. Peace. When it falls over you like rain. It soaks you down to the skin and maybe your skin does even open it’s pores to absorb some of it. However, no matter how it felt in that moment I should never do it again. Because the next time I might not get so lucky and then that’ll be the most recent piece I’m left to live with. Stay safe out there && as always, I appreciate ya! |
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December 2022
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