I invite you to place yourself in my shoes briefly so that you may understand my situation Can you imagine losing your husband, your house, and your pet all within a six month time frame? How would you cope? How would you feel? They say things happen in threes - hopefully this is the third and that's it for me for a while. The sadness and pain that I feel is almost unbearable. Why do we always lay tribute once one is gone? Is it because it's too painful to think about before it actually happens, we don't want to do it until it happens because then we are forced to, we didn't want to do it at all? Lola was... Sorry *crying* I gotta take some deep breaths if I'm going to make it through this blog... Lola was incredible in every sense of the word. She was like sunlight. She was always happy and jumping up in the air, clicking her feet together. She was the kindest, sweetest little thing. She always greeted you and gave you kisses. She was a happiness, truly. She was our mini guard dog, always thumping when something was out in the yard to let us know something was there. And even when she had an attitude it was adorable. She'd turn her back on you to let you know she was upset but deep down she could never really be angry. No - her heart was too pure for that. *taking a deep breath* Lola passed away on Wednesday. She just wasn't herself and then she was gone - that quick. Online it says that when bunny's get sick usually you don't even know they are until it's too late. They called them "silent sufferers." I was at work when it happened. My parents found her that morning to give her her normal morning carrot and she was already gone. I'm glad I wasn't home, to find her like that, to see her like that. But I feel even worse that they had to go through it alone too. I have the best parents I have to say. I can't say that enough actually. Her eyes were closed and she laid in her favorite spot under her blankey. A sleeping angel. I hope she went in her sleep. I prayed that God took her in her sleep because she was too much of a sweetheart to deserve anything less. When I came home my parents were coming out of the door. My mom looked at me and said, "There's somewhere we need to be," before she burst into tears and told me how sorry she was. And there was Dad carrying a small tote, Lola's blanket was laying inside. I could see her from the side of the container in there, laying down. She looked like sleeping beauty but a bunny version. At first I thought we were going to a vet appointment until the closer she came and I knew...you just know...I feel like I had already known and maybe didn't want to accept it. My heart sank as I did into the backseat of the car, holding her close to my chest through the drive. She always had the softest fur and that still stands. The crematorium stayed open late and waited for us to get there since I had just gotten home from work, the owner had felt terrible when he heard that I hadn't had the chance to even process it yet. I will always be eternally grateful for their staff. They kindness they showed me during this difficult time was unlike anything I have encountered before. But I believe if my parents would've told me at work, I wouldn't have been able to drive home, so they made the right choice in not telling me until then. They knew how emotional I would get and what kind of a toll this would take on me. I can't even remember what I wrote on the paperwork when I filled it out. I was just in such shock that I just didn't completely understand. I was able to order a private cremation for her - which was what I always wanted. I wanted to be able to keep her always, and take her with me. They said she'll be ready within 3-5 days to come home. To come home what a silly phrase that is now... My chest hurts. I imagine it will for awhile. I ordered a urn for her that night, one that looks so much like her...with a special engraving on that I got to write. Between the chest aches, the crying, the dry-heaving and the headache I can't believe I made it to work semi-normally the next day. I cried throughout the day at work mostly when no one was around because I hate crying in front of other people. But a few of the guys did catch me a couple times and we talked about what had happened. And yeah...I guess that was semi-helpful to let it out. But nothing will make it better. When I came home, her room was empty. And that was almost as hard as never saying goodbye. But I couldn't have seen it set up still, with all her little things. I couldn't have cleaned it up, I wouldn't have had the strength emotionally or physically. I just couldn't. I swear I can still hear her little paws on the floor every now and again. That brings me a little bit of peace, almost like she's still here running around. I never knew how lucky I truly got with her until I heard another bunny story that theirs was constantly sick with nasal infections and ear infections. Lola never got sick, not like that, not once like that that I can say of. She was an incredibly healthy bunny. We were truly blessed to have her. Maybe their saying is similar to that of ours but instead of an apple a day keeps the doctor away - maybe its a carrot a day keeps the doctor away. I won't get another because there is not another like her. She was unique and she was perfect to me, perfect for me. I'm just grateful to have had her for 9 wonderful years and to have given her a great home to be in and a great life. When I found her she was stuffed inside a wire cage with five other dwarf bunnies. Most of them were climbing all over each other or fighting. But not Lo, she was sitting in the corner, waiting patiently for me to come and take her home, to her forever home. We were both so young, I think we saved each other that day. I'll always remember. RIP Lola <3 Mommy loves you, I can't wait to see you one day when it's my turn to go. Comments are closed.
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