Good Afternoon Readers,
I have been having nightmares lately, more often than normal for me. Usually, I only have them when my bladder has decided it has had enough. I think it likes being in control of when my hibernation time ends. I could be in the deepest sleep of my life having what I believe is the dream of a lifetime and then BAMMMMMM!!! Someone changes the channel and suddenly I am dramatically running from a killer, tripping and falling of course, only to decide to pick up a rotting twig as a weapon even though there was a knife or a gun available. The less practical the better 😊 Terror time then leads to me reaching my end or just before it and then POOOOFFFFF!!! I’m shooting up from my bed like a firework to remind myself – Hey you are still here it’s just time to use the toilet-tay. Picture Nightmare on Elm Street without Freddy Krueger. Last night’s dreadful experience was no different than any other one I’ve been having recently. It was the same characters leading to the same overall ending the only minor change was the actions and the scenery in between. A seven-letter word comes to mind to describe the wind last night and that is violent. The kind of gusts that sounds like the roof is coming off or the shingles are being peeled back like a banana, one by one. The house creaks and the windows moan, you catch the drift. I kept listening to it waiting for the train noise – which I wish never to hear – while mentally preparing myself to yell TORNADO!!! It took me hours to fall asleep and that is no exaggeration. Once I did, I fell into this nightmare of a neighbor’s tree, which actually exists, falling down from the strong wind we had gotten and comes crashing through the house. But not just anywhere folks of course it had to land in my bedroom. The heavy crash caused all the critters to scatter from the tree in a panic and cover me like the body eating beetles in The Mummy. At this point I’m up…in real life. Heart pounding, sweating, breathing like I’ve never known air but here’s the kicker…I run to the window, fling open the blinds and guess what I see? Nothing because I can’t see without my glasses on! Not only that but it’s a perfect shade of pitch dark outside and then I have the neighbors lovely spotlight shining brightly through my window just offsetting everything. So, I walked to the kitchen to cool down and get a bottle of water. Afterward I proceed to the kitchen window to again look out and see nothing. I was kind of half-asleep what can I say? Late sleep and early awakenings – for me – only lead to the inability to process my normal thoughts. The terror I had a few days before that one was a horrific mountain lion attack along with the presence of a pack of wolves. Honestly, I wish not to recall it. I would rather not relive it in detail. It was terrible, just terrible! I could still feel the hopelessness even after I woke. I wonder if my mind cooks these things up because I always wish to find a horror movie that scares me, something as gory and as scary as I can imagine. To me, there is a difference between being actually scary with gore and then being plain old fashion distasteful. To the point where it’s not even scary it’s just disgustingly disturbing. Let’s go back to the olden days where we frightened people not grossed them out. The Human Centipede 1, 2, 3 – you know who you are. But seriously that movie...you can't turn away from it's like a comedy that is supposed to be funny and ends up being so dumb but for some odd reason you still can't make yourself turn it off. MOVING ON I don’t know if I told you this before but Mondays should be optional. Period the end, all Mondays – they are kind of a sheeeeeeet-show. Allow me to elaborate. I am trying a new breakfast for work which now includes an egg. I hard boiled one last night and had it stored in a plastic container overnight. So, this morning I microwave it for fifteen seconds – check it – it’s still cold. Microwave it for another fifteen seconds – check it – a little warmer. It is at this time I decide I’m going to go ten seconds so that I don’t press my luck. Playing it on the safe side, adulting, you know. I reach in and touch it with my finger and find it to be lukewarm, which I deem PERFECT!!! Return to my desk – pull out my fork – one prong poke later and BOOOOOOOOMMMM – One exploding egg comin’ right up! It made a popping sound like I have never heard before. Now let me tell you I literally can’t make this up. Thank goodness for making the decision to wear my glasses today or else I would’ve been egg-eyed. It caked my glasses, threw chunks in my hair, and covered my desk – chair – shirt – and face. No, I wasn’t dealing with an Ostrich egg just a normal X-Large store-bought egg. Thankfully no one was watching but it would’ve been something out of a movie if that was the case. Fifteen minutes later consisted of scrubbing my face, neck, and shirt off. Then pulling the large chunks out of my hair and shaking out the rest. Thanks to my egg blow out I smelled like a walking fart if you can picture that…or smell that. Gagging – if I didn’t live far from work, I would’ve definitely asked to go home and change but that’s my luck! Never a dull moment over here, honestly. And the minute it happened I was like, “Well there’s another part of my blog.” Laugh with me because I was definitely laughing. Hope this story brings you some joy! Hey you live and you learn right? But seriously tell the kids – tell the adults – don’t do that… It was the equivalent of that commercial you see on TV with the kid doing the science experiment at home when the volcano erupts. Yeah…it was bad. Stay safe out there all and as always, I appreciate ya! 😊 Comments are closed.
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