Stress stone

Years ago my mother's friend gave her a stress rock...to be honest I am not even one hundred percent if that is the right name for it.

She believed in these and believed it did help because it had helped her.

I could be wrong but for some reason I thought the story was she had one in each room she was in just in case she needed it.

She gave my mother one, one day and told her that when she got stressed about something to rub in between the palms of her hands and to squeeze it real tight if need be - eventually almost forming like a sort of concentration on it.

My mother gave me that rock - years ago - she said I needed it more. At the time I was working an extremely stressful and demanding job - easily fitting 70+ hours a week in - and still feeling like it wasn't good enough - somewhere along the way I had reached a point where I felt like I couldn't do anything right anymore. And it was really hard you know.

I imagine this is the feeling parents have when their baby is sick and they don't know what to do for them. They're a baby you know, you can't exactly give them medicine to make them feel better like adults and they can't tell you what exactly is wrong. What's hurting them and how they feel. You're helpless you know. And you almost feel like it's all you can do but to watch them suffer and to pray and hope that any hour, any minute, any second they are going to get better. They are going to take a turn for the better. It's going to be okay. It's just a cold. You know?

Then along with the positivity that you try to tell yourself because quite frankly that's about the only thing you can do since negativity helps no situation - you tell yourself well this is all a part of building up their immune system - making their bodies stronger to fight off colds and germs and viruses.

I never used that stone...that my mother gave me. I kept it with me at my previous job and now I have it sitting on the little stand that is under my desktop monitor so that I can always see it.

But today I woke up with a knot in my throat - rather literally or figuratively I don't know - well that's a lie - maybe that's just me being semi-dramatic in saying that - because I know for a fact it's a feeling. That knot in your throat. It feels so big you can hardly breathe over it - you barely get a swallow to fall down over it. Yesterday's events were exhausting and I still feel my head in a fog. I fear I am not quite myself today - there just wasn't enough time to recuperate.

Finding it hard to focus during work I grabbed that rock and closed my eyes. I focused on it. Believing that I believed in it - if that makes any sense at all - rubbing it between my palms all the way up to my finger tips, stopping occasionally to give it a good squeeze within each palm.

After a few minutes of that I felt the lump lower and eventually subside. I felt the tears dry up from my eyes. And miraculously I felt a little bit of relief. Is this self-healing? I don't know. Was it self-meditation? I don't know that either. I am not afraid to admit that I don't have the slightest clue what each entails and what they mean or what the difference is. All I know is breathing has always helped me and you better believe I was breathing deeply during this.

When I was done I was able to set the rock down and focus. The clouds had somehow moved apart enough that I could see the sun. And it was a beautiful sun because it's a new day. Yesterday was yesterday and I'm not saying to forget it by any means but we can't change it. But today is today and it deserves the best chance we got because we really were given this day.

No day is promised to us. We don't know for sure if we will wake up tomorrow as scary as that sounds and so that saying goes let's live today to its fullest. Be kind, laugh, love, smile - you're alive today. Today is your day. 

I know it's hard to think positive when the negative is all around you but you have to try don't give up the fight before you have even begun it. 

Stay safe out there everyone && as always, I appreciate ya!

Enjoy your Friday!!